Yoni is a Sanskrit word for the vagina that is loosely translated as "Sacred Space" or "Sacred Temple." Its meaning and use is an alternate perspective from the Western view of the female genitals (i.e., Pussy, Cunt, Twat, etc., words which may or may not be complimentary depending on the intent of their usage). In Tantra, the Yoni is seen from a perspective of love and respect. This is especially helpful for men to learn. The purpose of the Yoni Massage is to create a space for the woman (the receiver) to relax, and enter a state of high arousal and experience much pleasure from her Yoni. Her partner (the giver) experiences the joy of being of service and witnessing and sharing, and creating, a very special moment. The Yoni Massage can also be used as a form of safer sex (when latex gloves are used) and is an excellent activity to build trust and intimacy. Some massage and sex therapists use it to assist women to break through sexual blocks or trauma.
The goal of the Yoni massage is not orgasm. Orgasm is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal is simply to pleasure and massage the Yoni/vagina. From this perspective both receiver and giver can relax, and not have to worry about achieving something. When orgasm does occur it is usually more expanded, more intense and more satisfying. Orgasm is allowed to happen or not happen. It is also helpful for the giver to not expect anything in return. Just allow the receiver to enjoy the massage and to relax into herself afterwards. Of course, other sexual activity may follow but it should be entirely the receiver's choice. This perspective will build greater intimacy and trust, and will greatly expand your sexual horizons.
Bathing is always helpful as it relaxes both the receiver and giver. A quiet space is desirable with pleasing music, candles, pillows, etc., or whatever makes the participants relax and feel safe. Allow yourself enough time and do not hurry through the process. Go to the bathroom before beginning the massage. The best results will occur when the bowels and bladder are empty and you will avoid the unnecessary experience of interrupting the massage to go to the bathroom. Connect with your partner.
Have the receiver lie on her back with pillows under her head so she can look down at her genitals and up at her partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under her hips. Her legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and her genitals clearly exposed for the massage. The giver sits cross-legged between the receivers' legs. The giver may wish to sit on a pillow or cushion. This position allows full access to the Yoni and other parts of her body.
Before contacting her body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Both giver and receiver should remember to keep breathing deeply, slowly, and with relaxation during the entire process. The giver will gently remind the receiver to start deeply breathing again if the receiver stops or takes shallower breaths. Deep breathing, not hyperventilating, is very important here.
Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, breasts, etc., to get the receiver to relax and for the giver to prepare for touching the Yoni. Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil or lubricant on the mound of the Yoni. Pour just enough so that it drips down the outer lips and covers the outside of the Yoni. (Several excellent sexual lubricants are available for this. Many lingerie shops, sex toy shops, sex magazines, etc. offer these safe lubricants. My favorite is Yoni Play from Looking Good Enterprises.)
After the first phase of light, gentle caresses and soft massage all over her thighs and tummy, and before you get into the steps of the direct Yoni Massage proper, start with a firm approach around the Yoni which most women, if unaccustomed to Tantra, will find unusual, but which is a good preparation, in part due to the contrast in tone, to the gentle receptivity of the unhurried full Yoni Massage. Use a firm massage stroke (with lots of oil) through her upper inner thighs, building to fairly high pressure as you approach her crotch. Moving from the big muscles of her inner thigh, your thumbs press in hard on her skin, rubbing inward toward her center to the area just outside her pussy lips, moving around the whole perimeter of her Yoni. Begin by pushing her skin into her body just inside the opening in the bones of her pelvic girdle, gently but firmly pressing her whole Yoni area further into her body, a little at a time. She may hum or sigh or moan in response, and flex her hips up into your movement signaling acceptance, going with it and showing it, or she may accept your massage with perfect stillness and show by subtler signs that she is enjoying herself. If she seems hesitant or resistant, just stay with it and give her time - as mentioned earlier, this will be very new and different to many women and may take some time to get used to. Work your thumbs and fingertips all the way around the big opening in her pelvic bones here, moving your massage from just south of her clitoris to well south of her anus, exploring where her bone structures go, first working her skin at the edge of her bones all in that area, then going back around a couple times, gradually in very small steps moving further in from the bones toward her center, rubbing your fingertips into the edges of her pussy lips.
Don't be shy. Many women need to have their Yoni approached with such firm intent, when the intent is so clearly not for your satisfaction, but instead for her pure pleasure. This is a non-sexual-aggression way to let a woman grow more accepting of her sexuality. You should be pushing in firmly enough (but gently) so that it feels almost as if you might push her pussy lips inside out into her body. (This phase is not the time to address the clitoris - it is approached only with great gentleness and preparation which builds her anticipation.) When you have covered the entire external area of her Yoni and immediately around it, begin a transition by gently caressing the entire area with your fingertips.
Begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips of the Yoni. Make sure you still have plenty of oil. Spend some time here and do not rush. Relax and enjoy giving the massage. Gently squeeze the outer lip between the thumb and index finger, and slide up and down the entire length of each lip. Do the same thing to the inner lips of the Yoni/vagina. Take your time.
The receiver can massage her own breasts or may just relax and continue breathing deeply. It is helpful for giver and receiver to look into each other's eyes as much as possible. The receiver can tell the giver if the pressure, speed, depth, etc. needs to be increased or decreased. Limit your speaking and focus on the pleasurable sensations. (It is my experience that too much talking gets one out of their feelings and diminishes the effects.)
Gently stroke the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circles. Gently squeeze it between thumb and index fingers. Do this as a massage and not to get the her off. She will undoubtedly become very aroused but continue to encourage her to just relax and breathe.
Slowly and with great care, insert the middle finger of your right hand into her Yoni (There is a reason for using the right hand as opposed to the left. It has to do with polarity in Tantra.). Very gently explore and massage the inside of her Yoni/vagina with this. Take your time, be gentle, and feel up, down and sideways. Vary the depth, speed, and pressure. Remember, this is a massage and you're nurturing and relaxing the Yoni. With your palm facing up, and the middle finger inside the Yoni, move the middle finger in a "come here" gesture or crook back towards the palm. You will contact a spongy area of tissue just under the pubic bone, behind the clitoris. This is the G-spot or in Tantra, the sacred spot (there are many excellent books that go into detail about this area). Your partner may feel as if she has to urinate or it may be painful or pleasurable. Again vary the pressure, speed, and pattern of movement. You can move side to side, back and forth, or in circles with your middle finger. You can also insert the finger that's between your middle finger and pinkie. Check with your partner first before putting two fingers into her. Most women should have no problem and will enjoy the increased stimulation from two fingers. Take your time and be very gentle. You may use the thumb of the right hand to stimulate the clitoris as well.
An option to try if the receiver wants it is to insert the pinkie of the right hand into her anus. Ask her first and do not insert your pinkie into her Yoni/vagina after it has been in her anus. Use lubrication and be very gentle. (In Tantra, it is said that when your pinkie is in her anus, the next finger and middle finger in her Yoni/vagina, and your thumb on your clitoris, "You are holding one of the mysteries of the universe in your hand.")
If she indicates in her own way that she wants you to do this, prepare her for this escalation of her stimulation first by increasing the speed, tempo, and pressure of your massage in her Yoni's inner walls and on her sacred spot and her clitoris. She may lie still and receive her pleasure in outward stillness, or roll or flex her hips in response to your massage of all the best parts of her pussy; in either case it is all right, but play it "by ear" as to whether or not you want her to stay at a high pitch of stimulation, or gentle her back down so she relaxes almost totally still again before you take her the next step.
Rub your little finger well in the oil and the natural lubrication of her pussy juice around and inside her pussy mouth, then slip your pinkie down across the muscular bridge between her Yoni and her anus and, pressing firmly against the upper edge of her sphincter muscle, your fingertip should slip gently, easily, and unobtrusively into her anus. Do not insert more than the tip at first. She may hum or sigh or moan, and may roll her hips in cknowledgement, letting you know it's OK to go ahead. First pull up with the first knuckle of your pinkie against the rim of her anus, then slide it around the circle of her sphincter muscle, slowly and firmly, and pull against it each time you come around to the top again; try to get a feel that this muscle is relaxing and releasing. When you feel that is happening, by feel or by her response in other ways, slide your pinkie inside her all the way, roll it around the whole ring of her tight little sphincter muscle, pull it up toward you trying to get it to release more of its natural perpetual tension (its job in the range of all her organs, controlled 99.9% around the clock by her autonomic nervous system which keeps her heart beating and lungs breathing, is to keep things in, no matter what, until it's the right time according to her conscious will to release, and then it's almost never easy to release!), run your finger all round again and again applying pressure outward along its rim, keeping up a gentle massage on her g-spot the whole time. If you both have decided this is to be a part of this particular Yoni massage experience, an enjoyable move for her is for you to stimulate her inside both her openings by rotating your right hand, making your fingers move around inside her as well as flexing and rubbing inside her. Also remember from your preparation of her Yoni by firmly pressing its whole surrounding area up into her body, you can now do that with your fingers inside her body across the bridge between her Yoni and anus, and she will experience the stimulation of your fingers deeper inside her in both places.
Her whole body may writhe and she may utter warm, musical sighs and moans so intense as to make it very, very hard to stay in your massage focus and not go off with her in an erotic transport of your own. Stay focused and do not be weak - your reward is on a higher plane, or at the very least more long-term. Her breath may come more shallow and fast, her head and shoulders curl up a little in pre-orgasmic tension. If she does enjoy these levels of excitement, never letting up in the intensity of your massage, tell her, in your best low, soothing voice, "Keep breathing deep... relax...."
Her orgasm may want her more than she wants to prolong her enjoyment short of her orgasm - if so, it is up to you to back off, do not yet let it happen, and just maintain a light, slow touch inside her until her whole body again relaxes and her breathing is once more regular, deep, and under her self-control. Her orgasm should then come back quickly, when you begin more intense stimulation once more. Continue to back off when her orgasm approaches, [how many times? is her magic number six approaches like for men before you let her orgasm take her? or a different number?} until at last her orgasm comes on her but stays in her Yoni (at first), leaving the rest of her body in total relaxation and her breath fairly deep and regular. Do not expect this calm state to last through her orgasm, and make the mistake of backing off just when you should go ahead. She may moan in light, musical gasps in the first phase of her orgasm, you may be able to keep your fingers strumming her g-spot and your left thumb her clitoris in the rhythm which her vocalizations may cue you to.
So, what is your left hand doing all this time? You can use it massage the breasts, abdomen, or clitoris. If you massage the clitoris it's usually best to use your thumb in an up-down motion, with the rest of your hand resting on and massaging the mound. The dual stimulation of right and left hands will provide much pleasure for the receiver.
I do not recommend using your left hand to touch your own genitals because it will take your focus off the receiver. Remember, this massage is for her pleasure and much of the benefit comes from not only the physical stimulation but the intent as well.
Continue massaging, trying different speeds, pressures, and motions. Keep breathing and looking into each other's eyes. She may have powerful emotions come up and may cry. Just keep breathing and be gentle. Many women have been sexually abused and need to be healed. A giving, loving, and patient partner can be of great value to her.
If she has an orgasm, keep her breathing, and continue massaging if she wants. More orgasms may occur, each gaining in intensity. In Tantra this is called "riding the wave." Many women can learn how to be multi-orgasmic with the Yoni Massage and a very patient partner. Keep massaging until she tells you to stop.
Very slowly, gently, and respectfully, remove your hands. Allow her to just lay there and enjoy the afterglow of the Yoni massage.
Cuddling or holding is very soothing as well. As you learn to master the Yoni Massage your sex life will be greatly enriched and you will learn a great deal about feminine sexuality.
A number of variations are possible in the Yoni Massage, and also various "garnishes" and "side dishes" which a creative sexual chef may serve to please his partner. Some are true Yoni Massage variations, and others are more properly considered as more Yoni-focused techniques within the different positions and techniques of joined Yoni/Lingam penetrative sexual intercourse. Two considerations govern whether a style or practice is Yoni Massage or another part of the tantra canons: First, whether the focus is solely on giving the woman pleasure by specially directed attention to the Yoni and especially its more sensitive and orgasmic features; and second, the degree to which the woman can just totally relax and be receptive, or has to contribute focus and position or motion to make the style effective.
It is most important to recognize that there is no "better" or "more advanced" in sex play, especially spiritually-directed sex play. There is just "different"for different moods and tastes. The "basic" Yoni Massage described above will always get you where you want to go in the most perfectly heavenly manner. What follows is just available to make it different when it feels right between you and your partner. Like the violin, once you have the basics of trust, confidence, and knowing how, the only limits are your imaginations and your physiques.
First, let's look at true Yoni Massage variations and "garnishes." You will notice, as you study the following, that each practice can be done for its own sake, or they all can be done in a progression in the following, or in any, order - but backing off on each one before her orgasm takes her, each step building on the one before to allow her a more intense experience, if you both are agreed that is the direction for this particular session. This is for when the two of you are not exploring the pure Yoni Massage, with the woman perfectly relaxed, but for times when you both have decided that you want to do a more intense Yoni Massage, or that Yoni Massage is just an "appetizer" warmup for more intense sex play.
The first variation is the 100%-coverage inner Yoni massage. If the woman is very receptive and relaxed, and very sexually aroused after good Yoni massage has progressed well, and you are very, very slow and gentle, you can insert your ring finger so she has three fingers inside her, then, when her PC (pubococceal) muscle - the ring of muscle that gives strength to her pussy mouth - is more relaxed with the three inside her, your smallest finger or pinkie can be easily inserted too. When you do this keep your fingers aligned vertically at first because that stretches her PC muscle least. Wait until your continuing massage inside her has further relaxed her PC muscle and you are sure her Yoni will accommodate you, then push and rotate your hand and slip the greater part of your palm, up to the thumb, inside her. (Don't think this is impossible - these women are much tougher than you are - and their Yoni is built so that, of course not at all comfortably, babies' heads can go through this passage!) It helps at first if you curl your knuckles by touching your index and pinkie fingers underneath the other two fingers before inserting, making your hand more round than flat. With your hand this far inside her, your fingertips can massage the top of her vagina; you will feel the hard conical crown of her cervix. Massage all around its cone (but do not push in on its center, which is very painful, like having your testicles mashed) and massage all over the top area of her vagina; rotate your hand so your fingers can massage 100% of her Yoni's inner walls. Vary working your fingers all together, and "strumming" them independently like in a classical Spanish guitar roll. Be very slow and gentle at first, then vary your speed, rhythm, and pressure as seems right for her. This will leave off for the moment massaging her sacred spot because your fingers are much further inside her, but, when your deep massage has further relaxed her PC muscle and she is clearly enjoying your hand rotating deep inside her and massaging her vagina's top and walls, you can make a point of pausing in each rotation to be sure her g-spot gets extra massage. If you are also massaging her clitoris it will be with your left hand, to give your right free play to rotate as well as slide in and out of her. This variation is good to use in repeatedly backing off from her orgasm, first because its lack of total focus on her g-spot inhibits orgasm (if her clitoris is not being too intensely massaged), and second because, while it is less orgasmic, the deep penetration and pleasurable massage of all the area of her vagina's inner walls and top, which for many women is unusual or even totally new to them, is a very intense level of stimulation, and, literally, a physical experience of very deep and complete receptivity and acceptance. Thus, if a more intense Yoni Massage is your shared goal for this session, it will keep her level of intensity high while at the same time inhibiting her orgasm from taking her.
The second variation is good to intensify her Yoni Massage experience, if you both have decided that your pinkie finger in her anus is to be a part of this particular session, after you have slowly and gently added in that "melody" with the "rhythm" of your massage of her sacred spot, and done so with her staying in, or returning to, the blissful relaxed state. Once she is in that blissful relaxation, slip your ring finger out of her pussy at the same time you slip your index finger into her pussy, caressing her sacred spot with both fingers. Pull your pinkie out of her anus until just its tip is left inside her, and join it with the tip of your ring finger so both are pushing in on the upper rim of her anus and pulling it up and towards you, and when there's a little give, a release in it, slip both fingers inside her there. She should react with pleasure; if not, take your time, slowly move your fingers around until it is clear she wants more before you slip them in her all the way. Once she is comfortable and showing it, you can raise her intensity by increasing your speed, rhythm, and pressure, and, rotating your right hand, working all your fingers in both her openings, pressing them as deeply inside her body as you can and massaging her insides with your fingertips, both together and "strumming" her insides independently.
The first "garnish" should be almost self-evident. When her orgasm makes its final approach in the regular Yoni Massage described above and starts taking over her body (she may remain mostly silent or gasp and cry out) and her body begins to convulse in the first full force of approaching orgasm, you may bend your head down and replace your thumb on her clitoris with your tongue - this is where a natural, edible oil is invaluable (pure coconut oil is the best). Gently strum the tip of your tongue up and down and all around on her clitoris, varying speed, rhythm, and pressure, and, slightly picking up the pace of your fingertips' strumming her sacred spot. As she takes off you may feel her whole body tense up, her thighs may press in on your shoulders or neck, her upper body curling and jerking in convulsions as she comes hard, rocking her again and again, and you may have to use your free arm to hold her down so you can go on and keep her from losing the full effect of what may become a prolonged rolling orgasm or quick multiple orgasms. Keep your massage at orgasmic-level rhythms and pressure inside and outside her body, especially on her clitoris and sacred spot, keeping it going, to ensure that her orgasm, if it happens this way, will be allowed to go on and on. She may become fully conscious of being in orgasm and take back some control of her body, becoming more of a Tantric yogi adept, and be able to relax back onto the mat and let her orgasm become waves convulsing her body without the violent convulsions and tense clench of her muscles head to toe. Either way, finally she won't be able take any more, and she will let you know by trying to push you off of her. Don't hang on and try to keep her orgasm going past her point of pleasure - this is both painful for her, and unseemly showing off for you, inappropriate in the setting you are trying to create of the receptive, relaxed, giving, thoughtful Yoni Massage.
A second "garnish" almost becomes a completely different style, because it is so much more stimulation and a new threshold because, it is more complete physical interaction between you and your partner. With the man and woman positioned and acting exactly like in the "pure" Yoni Massage, facing each other with her lying totally relaxed on her back and him sitting between her thighs, after she has enjoyed the first two additional techniques above, or just the first with your fingers in her anus, you substitute your lingam for your pinkie and ring fingers, if the more intense stimulation this gives is not adverse to the level of play she wants at the time. This takes your tongue out of play, and you will then massage her clitoris with your right or left thumb - but it can be even more emotional interaction between you because you are able to gaze deeply into one another's eyes, and share the interplay of feelings in each other's face.
Take your time and be even more careful not to rush this step than any other in Yoni Massage, because the whole ethic of YM is to let the woman explore the possibilities of her sexual experience as the receiver, without the man going aggressively for his own pleasure but always seeking only to give her pleasure. Depending on your respective body types, and the bed or futon you are on, and whether or not you have a pillow under her hips and how thick or hard it is, to make the best approach to entering her anus with your lingam in a non-aggressive manner you may be able to remain sitting between her legs, or you may need to be on your knees with your body remaining very low - do not rise high above her and penetrate her from above. Continuously maintaining your massage in her Yoni, be sure your lingam is very heavily coated in oil and with your left hand move it into position to enter her. Her hips must be tilted at the right angle to receive you; this can be done by your raising your knees under her thighs if you are sitting, or by wiggling your shoulders under her knees if you are kneeling, or by her taking some small effort to raise her knees, or all of these moves. A very helpful method to get the right angle, and for beginning penetration, is for her to wrap her legs around your waist, and, when your lingam is in position, to pull with her heels against your back and begin - only begin - to put pressure on her anus' sphincter muscle. Keep your fingers in her anus, moving them around and keeping her relaxed and receptive in there, until the last possible moment when your lingam's head is in position to take their place. If she is relaxed and receptive enough at this point, and she times her pulling with her heels perfectly, your lingam's head will slip easily and gently into her as it replaces your fingers, before her sphincter muscle has time to return to its natural, autonomic tightly closed state. Do not try to force it in further yet. Whether or not it slips into her, or just nestles into the hollow around her anus, wait before going further to be sure she is ready and wants it. Once it is lodged there and held in by her pressure on her heels, you can move your left hand to her waist, and by pulling very, very gently, offer - only offer - to help her pull you together. Your right hand maintains a pleasurable rhythm, speed, and pressure massaging her sacred spot inside and her clitoris. When she is ready you can tightly hold her waist and just lean back, very slowly, to very gradually pull her onto your lingam. Do not try to go all the way inside her, especially if your lingam is long. Four or five inches is the most you can go in her at first without losing the perfectly pleasurable, non-aggressive state which is the continuous goal of Yoni Massage.
The almost-inescapably difficult and slightly painful phase of her anus accepting your lingam inside her will soon pass (it may be only a few seconds or as much as two minutes). To help it pass quickly, you may resume adjusting your massage of her sacred spot and clitoris to approach her orgasm. As her orgasm approaches her, she may, and probably will, urge your lingam further into her, by wiggling toward you, pulling with her heels, or telling you to further enter her. As you let her orgasm recede a few times, if that is what feels best this time, you may keep your lingam all the way inside her. Resist the powerful urge to begin an in-and-out stroke in her; this is for her, not for you, and that state is of the greatest importance in achieving the highest goals of this experience.
The second "garnish" occurs if she is motivated to become more active in this particular experience of sex play. When you both are in subtle spiritual accord to let her orgasm overtake her, if that is what feels right this time, she may want to rise and change you both into the "holy position" for intercourse, sitting in your lap with her legs and arms wrapped around you, where you support her back with your left hand, keeping enough room to maintain your Yoni Massage with your right hand so it keeps her orgasm coming over her. Here you are free to, if she wants, kiss and suck and nibble her nipples, and you can kiss, completing the circle between your lower and upper chakras as her orgasm takes her and your shared kissing added into the physical/emotional mix attains for her a panoramic adventure....
After her orgasm, when she asks you, slowly remove your lingam, and then just forget it exists and cuddle with her.
Yoni Massage as a part of sexual intercourse
Now we turn to Yoni Massage which is more like or a part of full sexual intercourse, except, again, the focus is all on the woman's pleasure and on massage of her Yoni, and all else is incidental, if necessary to the practice.
The first style is massage of her sacred spot by using the head of the lingam from rear-entry, with the woman's torso nearly erect to get the best angle to put pressure on her g-spot, with the Yoni's exterior massaged by her partner's hands. Again, orgasm is only a possibility, although it is a very good possibility in this particular practice for several reasons which you will see.
It is best on a futon or other thick mat on the floor, for stability, but a bed will do fine. If a bed, with both of you standing on the floor ask the woman to turn her back to you, put both her hands on the bed, spread her feet wide apart, and bend over till her shoulders touch the bed. If a futon, she kneels on all-fours, shoulders on the mat and raises her butt as high as she can; you sit between her feet with your knees over her legs. Another good way to begin is with both of you in the "sixty-nine" position, with her knees on the mat by your ribs and your arms behind her thighs so they have more freedom of motion - in this position she can do mild Lingam Massage, assuring that you will be hard and ready for the next phase, being careful not to arouse you so you are in danger of orgasm and flacidness in the next phase. Give her good, slow Yoni Massage as in the previous passages. You may want to focus more on her outer Yoni, and seek a lesser intensity in her inner Yoni massage, if indeed you do any at all inside her. The reason is, no disrespect to your personal Lingam, but it is nowhere near the dexterity of your fingers, clumsy as they may be, and you do not want what comes next to be partially a disappointment to her in letting down the level of stimulation of her sacred spot. In this preparatory phase, you may also want to start the transition from external Yoni massage by licking her pussy to get her highly charged and very aroused, even nearly pre-orgasmic, for the same reason of your Lingam's lesser dexterity. You can also begin the Yoni massage with your tongue, first just teasing her little curly hairs with it, arousing her by small degrees. In any case, before you transition to the next phase, lick her slit and clitoris fairly sloppy until she shows that she is very aroused by vocal and physical statement. Then, if you are using a regular bed, have her get up in the middle of the bed on all fours, shoulders on the bed. If a futon, she is already in beginning position.
Get up behind her, arrange her feet and lower legs in a sturdy triangle for support and stability by making her big toes touch each other, and spreading her knees wide. Lightly place your hands on her buttocks just where they narrow toward her waist, flex your hips so your cock head touches her clitoris, rub it there a few times, slide it up through her wet slit pushing her pussy lips aside, and as it slips into the mouth of her Yoni, pull her ass back over her feet and push it down till she's almost in fetal position on her knees, at the same time as you slide your Lingam all the way into her. This move will let you go as deep inside her as possible. Your pelvic structure prevents your Lingam from being able to push her outer opening further up into her body, as you can do with your hand. First fuck her a few very slow full deep strokes to get her Yoni used to your Lingam. She may be able to feel the head of your Lingam stretching the top of her vagina. Stay as deep in her as possible as you make the next move.
Slide your hands along her sides, around to her chest, grab her breasts - gently - and help her up until her back touches your chest. She may want to take a slightly more active role, and reach back and grab your hips pulling the two of you tighter together down there, rolling her hips to grind together, even thrusting her ass back against you with a sharp flex in her lower back - let her do what she feels like doing, even though the goal of this practice is for her to do as little as possible. You may squeeze and knead her breasts, gently twisting their nipples, as you support her with your hands through the next step.
Here you must instruct her, or she you, if this is the first time you've shared this practice. Ask her to swivel and flex her hips, move her Yoni around, until she finds just the perfect angle where, when your Lingam goes in and out of her, she can make the head of your Lingam rub right over her g-spot. Communicate that between you, you should be able to find the right angle, and depth, where you can get it just right and she can wiggle her ass all the way around in every possible plane of motion and rub the end of your Lingam inside her all over and around her g-spot, however she likes it the most. You just hold still, supporting her with your hands squeezing her breasts a little if it's not too distracting to her, and let her flex her hips, changing angles, getting more or less of your Lingam inside her, carefully experimenting. It should be clear to you when it is starting to work!
She should get a little short back-and-forth one-to-three-inch stroke working that rubs her g-spot as she flexes her hips and slides you in and out of her. Communicate that her stroke must not be too long to keep from moving you to orgasm, because of how much her specific angle, and motion, will probably bend and stimulate your Lingam as it slides in and out of her. You must pay close attention, because she is teaching you the motion, and the range of motion, which you will need to do so it feels best for her. When you think you have it down, ask her to hold still, keep her angle of orientation right, and just be the receiver and let you do the work.
Once you are clearly doing it right as you see in her reaction, communicate that she can experience greater sensation if she adds to your vertical or in-and-out component of movement by adding her horizontal or circular component, swiveling her hips to produce whatever combination of motions she finds giving her unique personal sexual response the greatest pleasure (this added motion also assists in keeping you stiff, without getting you too far along).
She may get into it, let her head fall back against you, eyes closed; let her go with it. Occasionally as you progress, you may want to take her chin in your hand and turn her face back and kiss her, if you both are able to stay focused and not miss a beat down below. When you have the motion she likes best in good consistent practice, you are ready to add in the next part. Your right hand rubs down her front to her Yoni. To keep her focused as much as she needs to be, you can say something like, "If you can stay where you are so I can keep the rhythm going like we're doing there inside you, let me bring in the melody on the outside." Start delicately strumming her clitoris, add more oil if need be, or dip your fingers lower to her pussy mouth and get them slippery with her pussy juice where your Lingam is going in and out of her, then rub her pussy lips and clitoris between your fingers and with the pads of your fingertips just like in regular Yoni Massage. Eventually get focused creatively on her clitoris.
She may begin to become very aroused, rolling her head, reaching back for your head, pulling you together to kiss more. As she grows more and more aroused, and becomes less likely to have full conscious control of her body, you should support her by wrapping your left arm all the way round her chest and grab and squeeze her right breast. You can then twist its nipple; if her arousal approaches orgasm you may twist her nipple harder.
If her orgasm does start to take her, you must become even more tightly focused on helping her keep her body properly oriented for the best angle to keep your Lingam massaging her sacred spot. Hold your left arm tightly wrapped around her chest to keep her orgasmic convulsions from tearing the two of you apart and ruining her perfect angle while she comes - and she is likely to come, and come - and come, in waves of multiple orgasms, until she finally tears your hand away from her tender clitoris.
This is also a good position in which, once she gets her breath back, if the two of you want to share each other's orgasm she can easily go back down on her all-fours, and say, "OK, now you go. Let me feel you come in me now."
Several variations may be explored: Both partners kneeling as above; both standing; man prone face up or in a chair, with the woman astride facing away (the chair lets him better conduct the exterior massage; if he's prone she has to do it); and two styles with the woman prone face down: man prone atop her back, and man astride (man-astride, she has to do all the exterior massage, so this and the woman-astride-man-prone position have less of the desirable aspect of the woman's greater relaxation and receptivity). All positions except those with the woman astride leave her free to be almost completely passive except for finding and maintaining the proper angle for the head of the Lingam to cross over and put pressure on her g-spot, with the man making a very short stroke which confines his movement to massaging her g-spot, rather than advancing his state of arousal with a long stroke. The two woman-prone-face-down positions do require her to flex her lower back, lifting her hips enough for his or her hands to reach her Yoni. Woman astride facing the man does work very well, if she wants to be more active, if she receives his Lingam in her anus because it allows his hands to deliver a very complete inner and outer Yoni massage, as long as she avoids full penetration which traps his fingers that are inside her between their pelvic bones, limiting his depth and scope of motion. This will be too tiring to her thigh muscles to continue for long, unless she relieves their carrying her weight by leaning forward and bracing her hands on his chest - or if she is a competitive-level Super G skiier!
Variations on the back to front style, which usually lead the woman to become more active, due to more intense stimulation, include her anus accepting his Lingam, with the g-spot massage done by his fingers along with exterior Yoni massage. This can be done in all the above positions, although with difficulty in all but in the kneeling position, except in the woman prone face down, man astride and erect position, in which he can't reach her Yoni and she has to massage it.
This anal variation, at least with both kneeling, would also seem to fit the bill as real Yoni Massage, being "just for her" and not absolutely requiring much activity by her after the best position for her pleasure is well established, although she can of course be more active if she wants it. His Lingam in her anus will give her very intense stimulation, and her Yoni is free for his fingers to massage her sacred spot more dexterously than his Lingam can in the practice described at length above.
The best position, no matter where she receives his Lingam, is when both are kneeling as described at length above, since it's the most stable, and easiest for the man, with both his arms around her, to help the woman maintain the best angle for the practice if it leads to her orgasm, when if standing she may become weak-kneed making physical position all but impossible to maintain all the way through her complete orgasm, which often is prolonged, or fast-paced multiple orgasms, in this method.